Per Aspera Ad Astra January 3, 2010

I’m insanely scared.

No. This is worse than you would ever imagine. Scared to the point of forgetting who I am and what I am [worth].

Scared to the point of becoming numb to all attempts of consolation. Scared to the point of losing all desire of food or sleep.

I am half dead.

And why? If I don’t even have an answer yet? And why? If probabilities for the unwanted are remote?

When one stares at death in the face, along with one’s worst fears, and time is pulling forwards, one becomes this. One enters this stage of dehumanization and through the most cruel kind of paralysis, one suffers. One only suffers.

I wish I could hope for the best. I don’t deserve other than the best. Why am I so scared?

This is not my life. This is someone else’s nightmare. I am not meant to walk this plank. I am not meant for the deep waters.

It’s My Life October 4, 2009

I can’t find the proper words to describe last night

As to that I can say it’s been the best, probably in my life.

I never smiled as much, laughed as much, learned as much and loved as much.

One night were strangers become long-awaited friends. One night were all risk is offered in exchange for a golden memory.

And you were there.

All the time.

Everywhere.

I can still feel the warmth of your smile, and it makes air heavier, food tasteless, days longer, nights dreamless. Your essence has taken over my world in an absurd, surreal way.

How can I go on living every day when everything’s missing?

How can I find my way when my eyes have been blinded by a supernova?

Should I tell you?

It’s my life. It’s now or never. I ain’t gonna live forever.

Tomorrow October 3, 2009

The Ghost will haunt me once again

Tomorrow will be the day.

It’s been a while. A while is all it is.

Whatever we have is a dim spark that lives between whiles of silence.

Enlighten me.

Love takes September 24, 2009

Love takes time

Love takes effort

Love takes hope and love takes nerve

Love takes dreams

Love takes lies

Love takes fear and love takes tears

Love takes sights

Love takes sounds

Love takes ups and love takes downs

Love –takes- so many things, I’d have to say

Whenever it comes, whenever’s the day

I hope it –gives- back whatever’s enough

To make up for all the things it has taken away.

Bones and Flesh September 24, 2009

It all begins with a phone call. Take a deep breath. Now exhale.
You sound glad to hear me. I sound nervous. We talk. I let you know I have something for you. You propose that we see each other. Today. I wait. The hour comes. I leave. I park my car. I see your face. My heart skips a beat. I hug you. You smile. I die inside. I give you the present. You let me know its been the only one you’ve received so far. I hold my breath. You propose we have dinner. I exhale. We leave. We eat. We talk. I burn inside. You glow. I’m alive. We spend the afternoon together. I drop you off. We say goodbye. I love you.

Ghost September 18, 2009

It was immediate and clear. From the moment I first saw your face I knew there was no going back. You stepped into my life past the point of no return. I can count the numer of times with only one hand, the times you’ve become real before my eyes. The rest of it is nothing but the essence of a ghaslty dream.
There is no way in the world I can figure you out. in spite of every fact you come back as an enigma. You puzzle me to the point of enchantment. Words pour from your lips like venom. You haunt me in a twisted, masochistic way. I’ve become addicted to this fragment of fiction. I long for the day where dreams become bones and flesh. See you in a while. I will be waiting.

Idea July 23, 2009

Today I had a wonderful idea and I am going to post it here just so that it doesn’t fade away quickly: it woyld be interesting to start some sort of group for art-related meetings and discussions, just for the sake of neuron stimulation. Let’s see how this idea evolves.

Bored July 17, 2009

Bored bored bored I am bored bored bored I want to sleep I want to drink cofee I want to play D&D I want to jdsxdjfufthjed roaaaar I don’t like weddings I want to go to kyoto I want to go to alaska I want to go to mikonos I want to go to norway and and and, I want to skip this boredom.

Finally July 14, 2009

YES. YES. YES.
I’ll finally get to read a load of great books in spanish. I find it pathetic that I feel more comfortable expressing myself in my second language, when I could perfectly write in spanish if only I read more…
But those days are over. I swear from now on there won’t be a day when I don’t read. Eeehh, or so I’ll attempt.

Victim number 25 July 13, 2009

I am sitting right now in my new class with a completely new group I didn’t know before. I think I made a good impression but that is not quite relevant right now. I miss my vacation life but one should blend with change. Everything is going to be alright. Nothing is to be feared anymore. I have changed successfully.